i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
