i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
