So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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