When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
