i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
