don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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