he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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