Tell her she can't have a vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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