I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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