I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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