My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
