Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
