Even the bartender felt bad for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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