I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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