Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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