It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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