I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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