I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
