he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
