dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
