I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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