He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
