even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
