First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize