If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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