he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
