...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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