my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
