haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
