Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
