I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
