based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
