I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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