Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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