Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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