Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
