Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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