needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize