Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
