didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
