The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
