On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
