just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
