not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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