i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
