I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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