Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
