I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
