so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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