he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize