If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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