put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm jealous of your bromance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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