Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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