I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
