I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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