Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
