his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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