the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
