he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
