Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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