Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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