The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found your dick twin last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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