i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry about my life...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize