This is not my ceiling
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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