I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
