mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
