i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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