We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
