Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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