morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
