I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
